Updating sorta..

Life is..meh. It has its good and bad. Since Wednesday its been decent but it feels more like a blur than anything else. The confusing week was made by the night always. The weekend was better though. My friend Nick got a cell of his own he taxed me, then we talk for hour. then a good morning text and then a phone call later. And it was like that on & off all weekend.


Bad Dreams though...still >.<. Its the same fuckin' dream too. The one where my friend Nick drives me home and I come home to my house elgulf in flames. He's holding me back. And in the end, I loose my family that all lives in the house. I...I just feel like I close my eyes, my family, friends..just everything are gonna be gone. I feel like I'm gonna be alone in the end...


A very shitty feeling really.... I always wake up in the middle of the night. I can't get a deep sleep worth a shit..I wake up like every hour at some point in the night. Every night or like a 90% chance that I have a bad dreams
















Life is a bore really rights now. I'm gonna get ready for bed and the week..tons of fun huh? Not really getting close to bedtime anyways. Nightz everyone, ~Claire

Depressed...

My God, I'm so upset I can't hide it--and I'm pretty damn good at hiding the truth. The walls are crashing down..again..and the only thing I can do..is..just let em crush me really.


You might be thinking "Why,? What's wrong?" My family is slowly going back in the destructive roots. My mom went to a casino Monday night...according to my dad. She didn't come home til 4am... I don't know what I can do. No, what I should do. My mom is slowly going back to her roots more & more. Freakin' Lovely huh?...I just want to fall apart nows. I feel so alone being outta my friends this stuff I have to deal with constantly..

Sometimes my mind is so clouded..so..so distracted it feels like I'm gonna fall to floor crying. I can't repress every time my mom goes to a casino and my family goes crazy that she does leave. Like always..she leave and then when she comes home. She buys snack or food, candy, etc to make up for it and pretend like it didn't happen.

My friend, who I met online. About 3yr ago..is going through so much stuff its insane. Soo that's getting me down too.


I just wanna lay down and cry....no wait..I'm doing that nows. Well I don't really wanna go to school right now..or for awhile really. I just feel so depressed..like..like I have no reason to be anymore. I don't know maybe i'm thinking to hard... Its so hard to smile and laugh though..


I think that's it..soo yeah. I'm done typing for awhile.. Byes ~Claire